Racism is not about individual assaults. The reason why it is so pervasive it is bc it is mostly internalised. Just bc you did not think about these things and acted on them: it does not make you a bad person. We are all learning. Hell, I fell prey to white saviorism when I worked pro bono as an environmental scientist in India and Cambodia. I only realised it later. The key here is that we are learning, and be open to admit when you were wrong.